Tag Archives: middle age

Eye Exam Anxiety: Why This High-Stakes Test Feels Like a Midlife SAT

eye exam chart

When I took the SAT back in the 1980s, I prepped for weeks, felt like a bundle of nerves on test day and sweated the results afterward, knowing these scores would determine my future. Thanks to the SAT, all my intellectual insecurities bubbled to the surface. Would I get in my first-choice college? Would I win any scholarships? Would I be… Read more »

A Midlife Pop Quiz You’re Guaranteed to Pass

midlife pop quiz

I feel like Andy Rooney* when I say this, but did you ever notice that you can’t remember where you put your car keys or what you ate for breakfast this morning, but you can remember every word to a song from 1978? Get ready for a midlife pop quiz that will make you feel confident that your gray matter… Read more »

14 Ideas for the Ultimate Midlife Wardrobe


Besides the fact that I suffer from fashion dyslexia (i.e., the inability to differentiate between a tunic and a top), I struggle to find clothing that flatters midlife women, so I’d like to offer a few ideas. For starters, everything should be made with a wicking material (a.k.a. hot flash fabric) that automatically adjusts to sudden and intense changes in body temperature. Then use this wicking wonder-cloth to create these coveted midlife wardrobe staples: 1. All-You-Can-Eat Pasta Pants, 2. I’ve-Got-a-Baby-Bump-But-There’s-No-Baby Tops, 3. Cellulite-Is-The-New-Skinny Skinny Jeans.

BOOM. I’ve Got a Full-Blown Case of Middle Age

full-blown case of middle age

From hair loss to heel spurs, middle age can slowly ravage your body from head to toe. It all starts innocently enough, with a suspicious mole here and a high-cholesterol count there, here a pound, there a pound, everywhere a pound, pound. At first, I barely even noticed the small, sporadic changes that began to crop up – the stray… Read more »

The Memory Foam Incident


A few months ago, my husband and I kept waking up with achy backs and sore hips. It wasn’t us being middle aged, of course. It was our senior citizen mattress – about 10 years old at that point. Since we were struggling to get a decent night’s sleep, we decided to invest in a memory foam topper to extend the life of the mattress a bit longer. Fools. Here’s how it all went down: